Journey to Surrender

Throughout my walk with Christ I've had many struggles. The greatest one I've dealt with and still do fight to resist is pride. A few other things I constantly have to maintain is my purity, letting go of my self-righteousness that can often lead to being judgmental toward others, and I constantly have to pray for faith to believe that God wants good things for me and loves me just as he deeply loves everyone else.

Since being married, I would have to say that the most difficult part of my Christian journey is just surrendering to Gods path for my life. I've had hopes and dreams, and for a long time I was frustrated with God about the lack of progress I saw in my marriage, career, finances, and relationships with others. I felt very alone during these times and honestly, I still do feel like I'm all by myself trying to navigate this journey. Though I’ve experienced some success, I would find myself back in the same place of wondering why the success or happiness had to be so short lived. By God’s grace I was able to come to terms with some of the aspects of my life. There are still things I pray will change, and many areas of my life that I would like to see growth, but while waiting for that special miracle I'm pressing on to enjoy the little things I have, like going for walks with my husband. It's hard to say exactly what it is that has gotten me to this point. Reading my Bible and praying has definitely been a great part of my growth, but looking back on the past I just thank God for his grace to allow me the time to sort through the complexities of it all. It feels good to for now not be in a place of responding to God and others out of resentment for how God has allowed things to be.

As I write this or any blog I'm writing to you not as someone who has gotten it all figured out. I'm writing as someone who is currently trying to with Christ navigate all the tiny intricate parts along the way. There are still many moments of loneliness and feeling as though I'm a failure, but prayerfully God can do something with my weaknesses. Articulating aspects of my walk with Christ is so challenging because I know how far I have to go in this journey, and I just don't want anyone to think that I've arrived. I can say that at this point I feel more peace than what I've felt in the past about some of the difficulties that have been so hard to accept. I've also had more practice with being obedient to God asking me not to do anything except listen to his voice. I am now able to more easily identify when God wants me to just be still and know that he is God (Psalm 46:10). My journey of surrender has been a constant effort to strive toward letting go of what I can't control and letting God take charge of the outcome. Surrendering to God by humbly embracing my story and making peace with what he has given me is my desire and prayer.